Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize