There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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