Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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