We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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