is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
