she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
