I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
