this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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