i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
