Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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