i love accidental penises.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just pee around me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
