that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
