Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
