at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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