He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
