I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
