I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
