maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
