My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
