I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
