I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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