I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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