Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
