you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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