I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
