I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
