I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You took a bar mat shot.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
