You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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