he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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