Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
