I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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