We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
