Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
