My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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