Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
