hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
