People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
