i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dear god my vagina.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
