Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I CAN MOONWALK!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
