so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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