Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
