I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
