and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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