He is an equal opportunity slut.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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