Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
