im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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