My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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