Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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