how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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