Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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