i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
