I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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