Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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