There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
