Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

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(904): View more from Florida

my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.

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(618): View more from Illinois

You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.

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(816): View more from Missouri

He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.

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(773): View more from Illinois

No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.

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(214): View more from Texas

I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum

(763): View more from Minnesota

And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world

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(303): View more from Colorado

My vibrator broke.

(307): View more from Wyoming

Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?

(303): View more from Colorado

Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.

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