He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
