Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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