your parents love me but you hate me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
