you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
