I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you had me at cake vodka
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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