If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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