I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
