He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize