I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
